Mind, Body and Soul
by Rhysenn
Summary: Left to pick up the shattered remains of his life, Remus Lupin contemplates the situation after James and Lily's death.


  
Mind, Body and Soul   
  
  
A single teardrop fell, and a shiver of ripples broke the smooth, watery surface, shattering the fragile calm, warping Remus' reflection as he stared into the fathomless depths of the black pool, feeling the darkness penetrating through his skin and into himself. Thoughts swirled like cloudy haze in his head, and the memories lanced through him like a dagger.  
  
One single act, and the slate that had been his life was completely wiped blank, leaving him with nothing but the memory that still remained. One swift, blinding stroke of pure evil, that shattered his world and took away three of his closest friends, and along with it a part of him as well.  
  
  
_Mind.  
_  
His mind told him that he was walking a dream; yet he knew it was as real a nightmare as could possibly be fleshed out. Rational thinking faded to black as everything he had known came crashing down around him, an endless cascade of darkness until he was the only one left standing, all by himself.   
  
In his mind, he remembered the way things had been, and he constantly tormented himself with the bittersweet memories of the days when everything was simple and undefiled. He played out the incidents leading up to the present, noticing all the small details he had carelessly brushed aside, feeling the distant pain as he helplessly remembered everything he wished never happened.  
  
James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. The three people who shared his childhood and his dreams, now snatched away from him by the hand of greed and wicked ambition. James and Peter were dead, and Sirius deserved far worse than death. And he was now all alone, devoid of everything that gave his life meaning, left to languish in the guilt of what he could have done to avert this tragedy.  
  
  
_Body.  
_  
It was an inborn impulse, and he took flight when the moon beckoned, away from a world than never quite accepted him for who he was.  
  
His body felt like it was on fire, ablaze as he tried to purge the intangible anguish from within him, feeling a strange catharsis as he melted into his more primal form. He welcomed the simplicity inherent in his other nature, affording him a reprieve from the constant questions and the aching regrets that never spared each waking moment when he was human.   
  
He tasted his own blood on his muzzle, the copper tang awakening his tastebuds, arousing his long-suppressed senses, his natural craving for violence, the instinct of a werewolf. He reared his head, letting out a long, mournful howl, feeling the familiar grief bleeding into his altered consciousness, manifesting itself in a twisted thirst for bloodshed, to inflict the pain that had been inflicted upon him.  
  
A soft rustling thrilled through the long grasses paving his path, and he reflexively looked around, almost expecting to see the form of a stag trotting alongside, or the black figure of a dog bounding next to him. But there was no one there, nothing but a barren landscape and the cold, bitter wind as it whipped through his fur.   
  
  
_Soul.  
_  
Everything burned down to his soul, like the molten wax of a candle that had been burning throughout a long, wintry night that seemed to go on forever.   
  
The dancing smile in James' eyes, the impish curl of Sirius' grin, the slightly tinny pitch of Peter's voice... the images were emblazoned indelibly in his soul, the most poignant memories gleaned from their years spent together, so vivid and fervent that they almost seemed real again, a rare instance when reality was more hollow than a conjured remembrance.   
  
_Why, Sirius?_ he cried out soundlessly, feeling the emotions overwhelm him as he finally broke down in silent, heaving tears. _How could you? How could you betray your friends? How could you leave us, leave me?_ He shouted the question into the empty nothingness, and silence reverberated back in reply.  
  
He knew that he had to carry on, draw himself together and pick up the pieces to move on with his life, whatever was left of it. It was hard, but the survivor in him said that he would make it. He would mend the shreds that remained, and the acid-bitten wounds would gradually fade, but never heal. Perhaps one day, beneath the layers of denial and disbelief, he would find a certain understanding.   
  
Through the dull, gnawing pain came a muted acceptance, as on the stony ground, Remus lay to rest the ashes of a ravaged friendship.   
  
  
  
~~~  



End file.
